Changing gears

Even though it's only the end of January, I've been feeling the urge to get ready for planting and moving forward this year. Things are still rather grim for many people (if you've been following the "progress" of the Welfare Reform Bill, it ain't pretty), and I've had to make a decision, once again, about working. As in, I shouldn't be. Health and sprog stuff still too tenuous. I can do half-arsed in just about everything I'm currently doing right now, or I can take some time to actually concentrate on one thing at a time, and when I feel stronger and more steady about Life, the Universe, and everything, I'll work.

So painting and writing is back to "hobby" status. I do it when I want to. I don't do it if I don't feel like it. Yes, I'll miss the tax credits but I won't miss the stress and late hours and frustration of trying to ship orders without a vehicle. The "Frost Thurse" and the painting of "Mani of the Moon" were both done with no pressure over a very short period of time, just playing, experimenting, and having fun with the process without expectation. It was easy, at least as far as compared to grinding out "popular" pieces for people to buy on various holidays. I like that really. It can stay that way for a while; it means I have time to play and learn without sticking slavishly to a schedule. It also means I have time to make glorious mistakes, and maybe learn from them in order to keep from doing them again. I suppose I should be freaked out about the lack of income, but I'm feeling rather sanguine about it. That's probably the sign it's the right thing to do. Sleep, heal, grow, learn. Rinse, repeat, enjoy.

In the interim, I've got a bunch of stuff to get into the ground - I've planted seeds for herbs, I'm still putting shallots in the ground, topdressing all the potted minarettes I have. I've put the hazels into position, started thinning raspberry canes and still trying to get an idea where the loganberry will go. The ligonberry is currently in a pot, the bilberry as well (and I've put some orange peels into that pot to keep the acidity higher). The honeyberries will get put into a long box until they get rather well established then I'm considering putting them down in the mini orchard. I still want to know how the light falls down there in spring and fall. It seems the sun gets lost at the moment due to the wall and the lower elevation, but maybe the sun hits pretty full during the summer.

I haven't had a chance to slog about looking for hazelnuts yet, but I've heard people say the catkins are out already! In January! Yowza. If my feet will manage to allow me, I want to go out and slog to try and find if there are any hazels nearby. I know where the acorns are, but I haven't found much else. Will have to do a full forage when I have more time, energy, and less pain, but that will take time.

Yes, that's the thing - pain. Too much of it, and I'm in a place where my support base is well away from me now. I've no fall back plan if I'm flaring, and so I have to keep flares at bay. I am now exactly in the cusp of three counties; on the one hand, there's the hospital I had before which, while nice, didn't have much to actually help me with the arthritis I have. On the northern tip is a very nice hospital specifically dedicated to rheumatic diseases (one that is so nice, some of the patients who recommended it me say it's more like going to a resort than a hospital!). There's a lot more treatments and management - entire clinics for conditions rather than a leaflet and a "good luck", and that's what I need. Can't erase the conditions but I at least don't want them ruling my bloody life as much as currently.

Have to manage the pain and fatigue to be able to drive, to learn how much of the latter I can handle, learn everything. Lots to do. Lots to do.

I'm giving myself the time to do it.

So tomorrow I have the social services in to discuss a very complicated plan solely to give me four hours a month of coverage if I have to go to hospital or doctor appointments (yes, it's a joke but still, four hours better than the nothing I had previously). They want to give me "more choice" by fobbing the job of finding someone, keeping track of pay schedule, actually act as an employer and do taxes, get maternity coverage, and all that stuff I've just had to STOP doing. Thanks, but I'll hire a service and save myself some hassle. On Monday the local "Neighbours" which helps to connect elderly and vulnerable people to make sure they're getting everything they need. Then I have GP visits and blood tests and all sorts of stuff I have to get done, paperwork, and preparations.

And sleep. And painting. And seeds. And cats. And tea. And devotions. And breathe.

Breathe.